Right now

Oh universe, god, inner me, mother nature


Reach out for me, for I am suffering.

I want the liberation of tears, but I´m even finding it hard to summon them today. I am so lost in this nothingness, so lost in oblivion, so lost in this blob of bad stuff i´m becoming. I don't know what else to do, how to run away from it, how to solve the problems of my life. How to ignore the white noise of the ones who dislike me and try to belittle me, and the white noise of the ones I loved once and left, when the emptiness of their departure still echoes deep within me. I want to do, and there's nothing holding me back but myself. I am so lost in life, and it's not even in the good of it... Little distractions are my day, I haven't done some meaningful for months now. And yet, it seems to me as I´m doing something, it feels like it, though I know probably just wasted time. This text is probably not making sense, but it doesn't make sense to me either. I know what I want. I want a happy sociable life with friends, a good relationship with my boyfriend, a job that fulfils me and to do something meaningful with life. Right now, all I do is waste time away, feeling sorry for myself, worrying about my problems and the ones people create for me, instead of being pro-active in getting myself out of the hole.

I am lost. I am lost.

I want to be.

I want to do.

I want to feel.

I want to know.

But right now, I'd settle for a word and a hug.